This blog is about dating. To be more specific, this blog is about the ungodly, demonic, wordly, sensual practice of dating. Yes, that's exactly what dating is. I have done a lot of research, not to mention my own experience in this area, to know that it is not biblical. Below I have notes from a sermon by Pastor Paul Washer since I attended a mass earlier, and a few different books concerning this issue. I was going to write these blog in my own words, but instead decided to use these four resources of my blogs. I won't deny the fact that these godly men and women know more than I do on these issues. Plus, I do not write/post these blogs for my own glory. I do them because I care about my brothers and sisters. May God be honored through all things!
Below are notes from Pastor Paul Washer's sermon "Dating", until otherwise titled.
Statistically, most "Christians" have had five serious relationships prior to being married. Now, let's say that physical sex isn't even involved. The way we are made there is a cleaving and uniting whenever two people of the opposite sex come together in some relationship that has a hint of romantic to it; a hint of companionship to it. There is binding, a melding. So, what happens? You get to your marriage one day and you're not whole because you've already given a part of you to five different people. And on your marriage night, you're ot alone; those five people come with you, whether you realize it or not. And whether you realize it or not, it will affect the way you look at your wife, the way you look at your husband. It will affect everything about your marriage more than you will dare to believe. And it was never God's intention.
The first thing you need to realize is that dating is a modern phenomenon. We have thousands of years of human history with absolutely no evidence of such a practice. We come to present-day and we wonder why marriages fall apart; we wonder why immorality rampant everywhere including what's called Christendom in America. In the last one hundred years, things have gotten a lot worse; in the last hundred years, dating has become prominent. Maybe we ought to put two and two together.
A sixteen year-old boy starts dating. But he has become nothing of a man. He is a little boy who wants to play the games of men and yet does not want to assume the responsibility of men. And our culture doesn't want him to either.!
Adolescence: it's demonic, it's unscientific, and it's based on a false evolutionary model. In all of culture, in all of time, it has been this: you are a little boy until a certain right of passage and you become a man. There is nothing in between. We don't have that anymore in our culture. Now we have little boys, who are about 11-13 become adolescents. And they stay adolescents until they're 35! Because of adolescence, young men and women never grow up. Instead of growing to maturity and striving to be a man or woman, by the time we're 22, we're still playing video games and watching Spongebob.
Because of our culture, girls never enter into a godly womanhood or maturity.
You want to have a relationship with a girl when you're sixteen years old but you're not willing nor are able to assume the responsibilities for that girl, which makes a very dangerous thing because you never have to grow up. You get exactly what you want without ever having to assume the responsibility for it.
And girls, you allow him to have you without assuming the responsibility for you.
When can you start thinking about a woman? Whn you have assumed the responsibility of your own manhood.
The Bible says not to awaken love before its time (Song of Solomon 8:4). But I'm afraud that's happening every day.
What is it when passion awakes in the heart of a boy or a girl? Is it God? Yes. God built that in them. Is it signaling that it's time to enter into relationships? No. God is signaling to them that it's time for them to begin to prepare for manhood and womanhood so that they might someday join together with someone of the opposite sex of God's choosing.
Once you have assumed the responsibility of manhood, then you can start to think about having a wife and pursue her with all your might, but not a moment sooner than you have achieved manhood.
Can you assume spiritual leadership of that girl?
Can you lead her spiritually in scripture, spiritually with your life?
Will you lay down your life for her?(Ephesians 5)
Have you gained such integrity, such a respect, such a love for her?
Do yo have such assurance that this is God's calling, that you will willingly stand in the door, face any enemy necessary, in order to protect her?
Can you assume economic care of her?
Unil then, young man, you have no right, You have no right!
If young men took this seriously, when that light turned on at the age of 12 or 13, they would say "It's time to get serious about manhood -- about becoming a man. It's time to put away childish things. I no longer have time to watch Spongebob and play video games. I've put away things of a child and assume the responsibility that is min."
Most young men have not been raised to be men. The world would keep you as boys because men are dangerous. A godly man of integrity is about the most dangerous thing on theface of the earth.
With regard to women, when that light turns on in yourheart, you don't start giggling; you don't start writing notes, and you don't go buy some teen magazine. You get into the Bible, and you spend years in scripture under the discipleship of a godly woman, and you grow into a woman of virtue; a godly woman who has foxed her eyes on God's purposes for her life.
"If girls allow themselves tofancy they are in love when they are young. They will form extreme attachments, imagining they are desperately in love, only to have this passion pass awayto give place to a new fancy. Thus in a few years the store of love that should have been saved till the time they should have a husband, they are left almost without ability to love" -- Beautiful Girlhood by Karen Andreola
Below are notes form Joshua Harris' book, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"
Does your current relationship hinder from serving God as a single person?
What is your motivation in a relationship -- pleasing yourself or serving the other person?
Do you give yourself away physically or emotionally in ways you regret later?
What excuse will we have when God asks us to account for our actions and attitudes in relationships?
Ask yourself: "What is my real reason for seeing this person romantically?"
We have no right for a persons heart and exclusive affections
God's Word, not our feelings, should be the guide of our life. God wants us to pursue purity and blamelessness in our motives, ourminds and our emotions.
Dating is a product of our entetainment-driven, disposable everything culture.We have to remember that the system of dating as we know it grew out a culture that celebrates self-centeredness and immorality!
-The 7 Habits of Highly Defective Dating:
1. Dating tends to skip the friendship stage of relationhip
2. Dating ofte mistakes a physical relationship for love
3. Dating often isolates a couple from other votal relationships
4. Dating can distract young adults from their primary responsibility of preparing for the future
5. Dating can cause discontentment with God's gift of singleness
6. Dating can create an artificial environment for evaluating another person's character
7. Dating often becomes an end in itself
A relationship based solely on physical attraction and romantic feelings will last only as long as the feelings last.
Instead of enjoying th unique qualities of singleness, dating causes people to focus on what they don't have.
True love always expresses itself in obedience to God and service to others. Love and sensual pleasure are not the same. Love is expressed in self-control and patience.
Dating doesn't really prepare us for marriage; instead it can be a training ground for divorce. Who wants to marry a person who ditchs the relationship the moment romantic feelings wane?
Many people make commitments to sexual purity, but instead of adopting he lifestyle that supports this commitment, they continue a relationship that encourages physical expression and place themselves in dangerous situations.
There is something better out there when it comes to love. It is found in God Himself. It is found in emptying yourself, surrendering to His lead, letting go of your life, and entrusting everything to Him. Letting go is not easy for any of us. But Jesus makes it very clear that to go where He is going and to be a part of His wondrous plan we must deny ourselves, pick up our cross daily, and follow Him (Luke 9:23, paraphrase).
You're blessed when you are out of options, and all you can do is lean on God. Because when you realize your need for God, it is only then that you tap into His immeasurable greatness and goodness (Matthew 5:3-5). The Greek meaning of the word 'blessed' is 'supreme happiness'.
"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose" -- Jim Elliot
Dating around doesn't prepare us very well for marriage. In fact, it is setting us up better for divorce. In our culture, passionate emotions and physical desires are the ENTIRE BASIS for almost every romantic relationship
Our culture teaches us to love with condition. We love as long as we "feel" love; we love as long as our lover meets our needs; we love as long as they look good on the outside. This isn't love.
When we think of being "in love" with someone, usually the gushy stuff is what comes to mind--the passionate, overwhelming feelings of adoration and devotion. Another flame that usually fuels our passion for another is the element of physical attraction. Too often we base our feelings for another on what our hormones tell us. The gushy stuff may be fun, but here is a question we all must face: "Is the gushy stuff strong enough to build a lasting love upon?"
In case you haven't noticed, the gushy stuff can be fairly unstable. One minute you can be so madly "in love" with someone you can't imagine life without them, and the next day you wonder what you ever saw in them at all.
Another unstable factor is the element of physical beauty. But physical beauty inevitably fades with time. It does not last forever.
We have the Great Lover Himself enabling us to love like He does. Two people who have saved themselves completely - inwardly, outwardly, emotionally, and physically - coming together to love each other for a lifetime with the purest, most uninhibited love imaginable is romance in its truest form.
Purity goes beyond skin-deep
Too many women become desperate. They are hungry for attention and affection so they settle for guys who don't know the first thing about how to treat a woman. They are impatient - they don't trust that God could have something better for them. They give themselves to men who really aren't worth a second glance. Girls, if you will learn to wait patiently and confidently for God to bring a Christlike man into your life, you will not be disappointed.
With the way people view love today, is it any wonder that divorce is an epidemic that is sweeping our culture in unprecedented proportions?
Our loving Savior and Lord has given us an amazing opportunity: to rise above the watered-down version of love this world offers us and take hold of the truest and most lasting kind of love imaginable. It's a chance to set aside Hollywood's sappy standards and discover romance at its best. It's time to make a choice. We can embrace an empty, selfish lifestyle that ends in heartache and despair, or we can learn to live and love selflessly...just like our own Great Lover Himself.
I hope that this blog has opened your eyes to the wickedness and ungodliness of dating. Don't be like the world. Don't dishonor God and your future spouse by being in selfish, frivolous relationships. Dating is of the world, and God clearly tells us not to love (or practice) the things of the world (1 John 2:15). We as Christians need to set ourselves apart from the world. By dating, you are living like the world! And by dating, you aren't trusting God with your love story. We are commanded to trust in the Lord with all our hearts and lean not on our own understanding (Proverbs 3:5). By dating, you are going against what the Bible says!
It is your choice. Either continue to do something that is wicked and of the world, or honor God by refusing to live like the world. Which do you choose?
In my next three blogs I'm going to address: (1) what it means to be pure and virtuous, (2) using your time of singleness to become a godly man or woman and to serve the Lord, and (3) the alternative to dating.
In order to attract true love which is liberating and healing rather than toxic love which is full of pain and bondage, you must first love yourself. I believe that all of our relationships are reflections of how we feel about ourselves.
When a woman is able to create a life of well-being without a man and when she is clear about who she is: her values, her standards, what she wants, what makes her happy, and what makes her feel safe and loved, she will choose a man who fits the bill. She will recognize a "good" man from a mil away and will smell a "bad" man from even further.
Low self-esteem and low self-worth, whether due to a lack of a father's love or mother's love ot abuse and neglect during childhood, can cause us to find "comfort" in the strangest places. Sometimes the "comfort" is in simply having a man and the attachment to him; whether or not he is respectful, loving, caring, willing and able to work, or has honesty and integrity is almost an after thought until it is too painful to ignore.
Now that the pain as become too much too bear, what will you choose to do? As a co-dependent person, locked into a cycle of dysfunction, how do you break free? According to Robert Burney author of th book: Codependence: The Dance of the Wounded Souls, " Codependence is a very vicious and powerful form of Delayed stress Syndrome. The trauma of feeling like we were not safe in our own homes makes it very difficult to feel like we are safe anywhere. Feeling like we were not lovable to our own parents makes it very difficult to believe that anyone can love us.
The first thing is to realize that the relationship troubles you face begin with the realtionship you have with yourself. And the relationship you have with yourself was developed long ago. If you have not been using tools such as therapy, self-help books, prayer, meditation and the like to continue you positive growth and development, now it's the time to start. If you have, then now is the time to take it to another level. Use them in combination so that you address the mental, emotional, spiritual aspects of yourself.
Find a competent therapist, co-dependency support group or other "healer" that does "inner-child" work. Working to bring insight and resolution to the painful experiences you had as a child will help you to develop loving ongoing relationships with the wounded parts of yourself. This is important since it is the wounded parts of you that make choices that bring you more pain.
Living in the past is an exercise in futility since there is nothing we can do to change what happened. However, when we change the way we look at things, the things we look at to change. So connecting the dots between a painful present, and using this information to forgive, let go, and learn the practice of self-love will allow you to make choices that support your well-being. This is the road to self-empowerment.
I just done reading "The Seat of the Soul", Gary Zukav, author, says, "When you operate from a place of authentic power we align out thoughts, emotions, and actions with the highest part of ourselves, we are filled with enthusiasm, purpose, and meaning. Life is rich and full. We have no thoughts of bitterness. We have no memory of fear. We are jouyously and intimately engaged with our world. This is the experience of authentic power."
The journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. What and when will your first step be? I also encourage you to read the books: You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay which is a great way to begin the process rebuilding your life and The Power of Now or A New Worth, both by Eckhart Tolle.
When I was considering the perplexity of relationships this morning in the car with Jopat(new friend). I wan't really sure how to arrange my multidirectional thoughts, without offending anyone, simultaneously a little voice of reasoning whispered, "when have you ever given two melting ice cubes about someone being offended about what I had to say?" With that the little nugget of reality, I borrowed Jopat's trusty Mac, powered it up and began...
There seems to be continous issues with relationships, the when's, the why's, the what's, the what ifs and especially, who. People seem pretty frustrated concerning how to conduct a, relationship. The New Oxford American Dictionary define relationship as such: (Dictionay check.)
Relationship: noun |riˈlā sh ən, sh ip|
1. The way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected.
3.The way in which two or more people or organizations regard and behave toward each other.
4. An emotional and sexual association between two people.
First, it is important to clear the air, men have the same issues as their counterparts, the whole macho thing sort of fogs up their emotional perceptive. Other times, that perceptive is taken because society, as well as the way their counterparts (women) treat the quote unquote "Nice Guy". We are all aware of the greates nice guy quote, and who in their right minds wants to finish last.
Let's admit it people... The bad boy/girl fad is what's...HOT! So for a minute. let's pretend we live in a perfect world without the outward, over sensationalism of how you're suppose to act, and lets deal with the proven ways all successful relationships should be conducted. I personally believe there are four core percepts needed for a successful pairing, sommunication, honesty, planning and defininf level of commitment.
1. Communication/Honesty
Communication & Honesty have to be in my opinion the most important of the four. Most haven't learned to communicate, honestly, what they're looking for, whta their expectation are up front. Unfortunately people our ESP levels aren't all the same. I'm not saying people should begin their opening conversation with "Hello my (your name here), and I'd like to get married in the next two years"
The beginning of courtship should be what it is, an exciting cat and mouse chase between two interested parties attempting to learn a little more about one another, a feeling out period, between first meeting and first date. This would the ideal time to begin open and honest communications.
2. Planning
As in everything else in life, there should be some kind of plan. Where you see or would like to see the relationship go. There should be a quarterly relationship check, no matter what kind of future you're looking for. The people who end up powerless in a relationship are those who have little to no idea what the other person wants. Even if it's just a physical thing, there should be a plan. An understanding a purely physical relationship needs time and distance. This way people can constantly check their emotional levels. I have seen far too many people get caught up in the physical. Especially if it's something wonderfully delicious, most hearts are crushed because what was physical, turn to love for one person, only. One of the mean reasons all relationships need honesty, especially and above all, honesty with oneself.
3. Defining Commitment
Defining each person understandin of commitment, what each person considers cheating should be made clear so that there are no misunderstanding.
So friends, in my opinion, these four percepts will help create a successful relationship, communication, honesty, planning and Defining level of commitment.
Feel free to voice up your opinions.:)
ten fingers, ten toes, chubby cheeks and the cutest nose. FINALLY, we all say -- finally we can see her.
my mom gave birth to Suzainne earlier(09-22-08) 6am slash normal fashion. i have the most unexplainable happiness, but i still wish i was there instead of celebrating so far away. she came into the world a couple of day in advance. Mom had to go through LONG hours of induced labor --nonetheless, my sister is here.
i can't be articulate enough to say how proud i am of my mom and her boyfriend. i leave itup to imagination to give me a decent picture of how they went through nine months of waiting for Suzainne, how they kept calm and positive when the delivery pain came pouring in, and most importantly -- how they rocked bringing this little blessing into our lives. they're going to be awesome parents and i'm not claiming that in a family perspective -- i just know love when i see it.
as for me and my upcoming role of kick-butt ate, i think i'm gona do alright. there's a good place in my heart that's meant for her; and there always be big dreams, constant laughs, and the best kind of love for my sister.
i love you, baby girl
can't wait to hold you
..> ..>
When you think of your past love, you may view it as a failure. But when you find a new love, you may view the past as a teacher. In the game of love, it doesn't really matter who won or who lost. What important is you know when to hold on and when to let go!
You know you really love someone when you want him or her to be happy, even if his or her happiness eans that you are not a part of it. Everything happens for the best. If the person you love doesn't love you, don't be afraid to love someone else again, for you'll never know unless you give it a try. You'll never love a person you love unless you give it a try. You'll never love a person you love unless you risk loving them. Love strives in hurting. If you don't get hurt, you don't learn how to love. Love doesn't hurt all the time. Though the hurting is still there to test you, to help you grow. Don't find love, let love find you.
That's why it's called falling in love because you don't force yourself to fall. You just fall. You cannot finish a book without without closing its chapters. If you want to go on, then you have to leave the past behind as you turn the pages in the book called LIFE.
Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single kiss. It is a lifetimes venture in which we are always learning, discovering and growing. The greatest irony of love is letting go when you need to hold on and holding on when you need to let go. We lose someone we love when we are destined to find someone else who can love us even more than we can love ourselves. When trying to fall out of love, take sometime to heal and then get back on the horse. But don't ever make the same mistake of riding the same one that threw you the first time.
To love is to risk rejection; to live is to risk dying; to hope s to risk failure. But the risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is risking nothing! To reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose you true self; to love is to risk not! to be loved in return.
Defining "love": fall but do not stumble, be constant but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, hurt but never keep the pain.
Love is like a knife. It can stab the heart or it can carve wonderful images into the soul that will always last a lifetime. Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy and strength.
But sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end. Loving someone means giving him or her freedom so they can choose to be where they choose to be. For all the heartaches and the tears, for gloomy days and fruitless years, you should give thanks, for you know, that those were the things that helped you grow.
Loving someone means giving him or her freedom to find his or her way, whether it leads towards you or away from you. Love is a painful risk to take but the risk must be taken no matter how scary or painful, for only then you'll experience what true humanity is, and that is LOVE.
Only love can hurt your heart, fill you with desire and tear you apart. Only love can make you cry and only love knows why. If you're not ready to cry, if you're not ready to take the risk, if you're not read to feel the pain, then you're not ready to fall in love. There was a time in our lives when we became afraid to fall in love because everytime we do, we get hurt, and the I finally figured out that's why it's called Falling In Love....
*********
As we grow up, we learn that even the ONE person that wasn't supposed to EVER let you down prbably will; You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder everytime. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your bestfriend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, anf you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh to much, drink alot and love like you've never hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back..
haha..wala lang, not related to the picture..hehe
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:
What Makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants to give over 100&%.
How about achieving 103%?
What makes up 100% in life?
As I am thinking what to think at this very moment, I came up thinking on how to give my 100% on everything..(family, friends, work, etc.)
Here's a little mathematical formula (mixed up with VB code if/then/and/but), that might also help you.:)
If:
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
is represented by the numbers:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16
17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H - A - R - D - W - O - R - K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K - N - O - W - L - E - D - G - E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
but,
A - T - T - I - T - U - D - E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
and
B - U - L - L - S - H - I - T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A - S - S - K - I - S - S - I - N - G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 - 118%
So, one can conclude with mathematical certainly that while HARDWORK and KNOWLEDGE will get you close, and ATTITUDE will get you there, It's BULLSHIT and ASS KISSING that will put you over to the top!
WHAT THE FUCK!
I love mathematics that's why I came up with numbers together with my VB codes and some ENGLISH words.
So, how about you, what makes your 100%?:)
As I was walking along the village with my camera and I played with it.
Geez.. here are some of the picture..
A yellow flower with Bee.
I don't know this flower's name, but cute.
Taking picture of white flower is difficult a little. I think this one is good.
A kind of hibiscus.
While taking some pictures of these beautiful flowers, insects come along the way..
Long-horned Beetle
Dragonfly
When I got home, went to my room's balcony.. i have one visitor waiting for me. Here it is..
Kita ko bhay nila ALEX. he's my windowmate..
LONG-HEADED LOCUST
SO WHICH ONE ARE YOU?
Usufruct: You spend a lot of time together -hard core QT. You're sweet with each other. You act like a couple. Sharing certain stuffs come is nothing new between the two of you. Your respectiveschedules are sort of in sync with each other. You have cute names for each other. people think you're a couple, but at the end of the day? Wala, you really are just friends.
Anti-chresis: You helped him improve on a l